I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
