i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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