I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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