its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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