mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
