Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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