Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
