If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
