You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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