I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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