why didn't you poke me back
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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