can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
