My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
