Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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