you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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