drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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