Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
