Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
