I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
