So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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