I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize