well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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