I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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