Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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