i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
