I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
