Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize