You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
