You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have feelings that need drinking.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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