At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
