Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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