im drinking this country out of the recession.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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