dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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