I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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