i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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