I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
