Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have post one night stand depression
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
