Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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