shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
