I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
