what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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