Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
