when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So much Jack, so little girl.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
