it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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