so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My dick has a subreddit
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
