You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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