I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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