Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
