I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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