I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
