so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
