I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
