Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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