just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
