we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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