Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In America we eat man semen.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
