You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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