is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
