Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
