Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Couch. On fire.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
