11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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