I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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