You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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