I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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