yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
