You really coming over, don't trick.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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