I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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