wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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