just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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