i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
