we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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