You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
